What's in a Name?
by Darkfangz13
Summary: Just another day at the office with Eames being an annoying bugger, as usual, when the topic of names come up. Just a silly story to poke fun.


What's in a Name?

"...That which we call a rose, by any other name, would smell as sweet." Arthur rolled his eyes and began tapping the tip of his pencil on his notebook, studiously ignoring Eames as the man read Ariadne's literature syllabus aloud to the largely deserted warehouse.

It had become something of a habit recently, Ariadne had always had a knack for bringing her school supplies with her to work in case she had a spare moment, and Eames would make good use of them when he had the time. That was why Arthur was now here, chomping irrately on the eraser end of his pencil and mulling over the details of Ariadine's most recent dream layout while Eames read to him.

"Oh, wilt thou leave me so _unsatisfied_?" Eames crooned sweetly, in a bemoaned tone. Then, he switched his mellow voice for a more higher tone for Juliet's dialogue. "What satisfaction canst thou have tonight?" Arthur kept his eyes firmly on his notes, if he made any inclination toward humoring Eames, the man would never stop.

"The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for... mine." Eames's voice trailed off in bewilderment. "What... wait, that's it!" Eames turned widened eyes to Arthur, who was feeling the beginnings of a severe migrane. "You know, darling, when one hears the 'so unsatisfied' bit, you'd think..."

Arthur let out a low, feral growl as he massaged his forehead. "For God's sakes, Eames! Get your mind out of the gutter!" he hissed, finally looking in Eames's direction.

Eames's near feline smirk unnerved Arthur a little. "Or what, darling? You'll..." The rest of the team streamed back into the warehouse, just finished their lunch break.

"Eames, don't even think of finishing that sentence." Cobb warned him mildly as he stauntered past.

"Yeah, I don't want to know." Yusuf agreed whole heartedly.

"Are you reading my book?" Ariadne motioned toward the copy of Romeo and Juliet in Eames's hands.

Eames tried to hold in a laugh when Saito shot him a look that nearly screamed 'well, I'm glad that's not actually yours'. "Yes, Ariadne," Eames smiled at the architect. "I am reading Romeo and Juliet." he stated simply.

"Aloud, mind you." Was Arthur's annoyed two cents.

"Well, you didn't have to stay." Eames pointed out.

"And you wouldn't follow me?" Arthur raised a dubious eyebrow. "I think not."

Eames placed a hand over his chest and feigned hurt. "I'm an independant boy, _Mummy_."

"I think," Saito interrupted their banter with a strange look. "that this situation is becoming exceedingly awkward."

"Couldn't agree more." Yusuf murmured, nose promptly disappearing in a large chemistry book.

Ariadne herself couldn't quite contain her amusement at the two and burst out laughing. "Oh God!" she exclaimed through her hysterical giggles. "Remind me to get you two over for a slumber party sometime!"

Arthur and Eames both blanched. "No, just... no." Arthur shook his head with a shudder.

"Why not?" Cobb asked from all the way over from his desk, genuinely curious to the answer. "What happened?"

"Let's not talk about that." Arthur and Eames chorused in perfect unison.

* * *

><p>"But really," Eames continued when the rest of the team had lost interest in them. "why <em>didn't <em>Romeo and Juliet just change their names? I mean, they were planning to run away anyway, right?"

Arthur shrugged his shoulders. "I suppose they _would_ have, if they succeeded in escaping in the first place."

Eames 'ah'ed in understanding at him. "You're right." he agreed with a sigh. "Poor blokes."

"Yes, I agree." Arthur responded cooly, then, "Get back to work, Eames, or they won't be the only ones who will be on the receiving end of pity." He tossed a file at Eames. "That's your mark."

Eames artfully snatched it out of the air. "Although," he furrowed his brow, "speaking of names, 'Arthur', it's such an... Arthur-like name." He glanced side-long at Arthur.

Arthur looked at him strangely. "Er, thank you?" he responded, unsure.

"That's right!" Ariadne piped up, startling both men. "I know everbody's names except Eames's and Arthur's!"

"Well," Eames smiled in amusement at her. "How can you really be sure that 'Yusuf' is Yusuf's real name?" Yusuf agreed loudly.

"Seriously?" Ariadne smiled cheekily. "I can't imagine it being anything else."

"But," Eames pushed his rolling chair to skitter across the floor to Ariadne's desk. "if that's the logic you're working by, would that make Arthur's real name 'Arthur'?"

"Maybe," Ariadne mused. "but I think Arthur could be a 'David', or somthing. Something strong and Biblical."

Eames wrinkled his nose. "Hm, I honestly think he'd be a wonderful 'Joseph'." he admitted.

Arthur stared at him. "I look like a Joseph? You're serious? I think you only want to make numerous Average Joe jokes. You know, if I told you that my name was actually Joseph, I'd bet you wouldn't believe me."

Eames shrugged his shoulders helplessly. "Well, you caught me on the jokes part."

"Well, Mal suggested 'Gordon'." Cobb chimed in.

Arthur furrowed his brow and shook his head. "I, personally, like 'Joseph' better."

"But really, darling, I'm curious." Eames now rolled his chair across the floor to approach Arthur's desk. "What _is _your name?"

Arthur smiled at him. "Seeing as you're asking upright, I'm guessing you know that I'm not going to tell. And you're right."

Eames pouted at him. "I'm hurt, darling, really! You don't trust me?"

"I don't tend to easily trust people who have been diagnosed with DID as a child." Arthur stated simply.

Eames gaped at him. "I wasn't...! I was acting! And how did you know! Please tell me you don't..." he spluttered, in fear for his identity.

"But I do." Was Arthur's deadpanned, and perfectly honest, reply.

Eames's shoulders sagged visibly. "Oh, God. You do, don't you?" he moaned, Arthur shrugged and turned back to his work. "Though, I swear, I was acting all that."

Arthur chuckled in amusement. "I know." Then he shot Eames a knowing look. "Looks like you had an over-developed knack for the forging job since a young age."

"Yeah, that one time I imitated Hannibal Lecter..." Eames shook his head with a chuckle. "My mum didn't feel comfortable around me for weeks!" He was pleasantly surprised when Arthur joined in his laughter. "But, you've clearly got me at a disadvantage..." Eames let his eyes roam over the office to fall on Cobb. "Maybe I should ask Cobb who you really are..."

"You won't get it out of him." Arthur frowned at Eames when he had seen where the forger was looking. "Bet he'll just silently stare at you in that evaluating way of his until you get too uncomfortable to pursue the subject."

Eames looked from Cobb, to Arthur, and back, sizing up his opponent. "Challenge accepted, darling!" And off he went with his rolling chair.

He was back before five minute was up. Arthur looked up from his work to savor Eames's look of defeat. "So, how did that go for you?" he snarked.

Eames just scowled at him. "How did you know? Are you psychic, or something?"

Arthur shook his head. "Eames, he's the only one in the dream-sharing business, who knows my name." he said like that explained everything. And, in a way, it did.

"You're right, you'd know everybody's reactions and thought processes." Eames rolled his eyes. "Because you're the pointman."

Arthur smiled at him. "Glad you know me so well." Then he looked at his watch. "Well, I've got to be off." he announced. "See everybody tomorrow?" He waited politely for everybody's response before turning to leave.

Eames jumped up from his chair and followed him. "So, what? You're seriously not going to tell me your real name? As in, ever?"

Arthur just smiled at him mysteriously. "What's in a name, Eames? Or should I say..." Arthur grabbed Eames's collar and pulled him his as he leaned in close to whisper the name. Then he pulled back, straightening the man's collar, and winked at Eames before walking out.

Eames stared after him, mouth hanging open. "_So_ unfair, darling." he murmured under his breath. "_So_ unfair."

The End


End file.
